May 13, 2015

My Wife Is Pretty Pissed About This JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS Trailer


I have only vague recollections of the original Jem And The Holograms cartoon.  My sister was just this side of too young for the show's prime demographic, but I remember some of my female childhood friends who loved that shit.

In retrospect, the actual premise sounds pretty cool!  Jerrica Benton is a badass record company exec by day and pink-haired rocker Jem by night, performing with her band The Holograms with the aid of Synergy, a special talking holographic computer that her father built for her before his death.  Synergy literally projects a hologram over Jerrica and her friends thanks to projectors in her earrings, allowing their alter egos to battle it out with rival band The Misfits and getting Jerrica/Jem entangled in a Clark Kent/Superman-esque love triangle with her purple-haired boyfriend Rio.  I make the superhero comparison because the premise so easily lends itself to a Marvel-style, globe-trotting girl power adventure.  Awesome!

So of course this live action adaptation is about a shy teenager who becomes a YouTube star.  Ugh.


Look, I have no real dog in this fight other than a general annoyance at cashing in on long dormant and slightly familiar intellectual property in the simplest and laziest way imaginable.  This movie clearly caters to the worst instincts of teenage America, the self-entitled desire for 15 minutes of Kardashian-level notoriety without having to actually work for it.  Animated Jerrica Benton is a savvy business woman and talented musician who cares for orphans and gets shit done.  Live action Jerrica Benton is all about shrugging off her "unremarkable life" in favor of fashion makeovers and signing autographs on Ryan Hanson's limbs.

My wife Jamie probably put it best: "This movie bears no resemblance to the source material.  It seem slapdash and unfatihful.  It's just no fun!  If we can have a Norse god with a magic hammer and an AI hero dude, why can't we have actual holograms?  The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie might have sucked but at least it wasn't a story about four pet turtles and their owner who all go to school and run a pizza shop."

Not even the presence of a One Direction song was enough for this trailer to win her over.  That's saying something.