December 18, 2014

The Gutless Wonders At Paramount Have Pulled TEAM AMERICA


WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

This morning I told you about the Alamo Drafthouse's plans to screen Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Team America: World Police in protest over Sony's decision to pull The Interview.  The Drafthouse was not alone, as several other small theater chains around the country had also decided to air the decade-old movie best remembered for graphic puppet sex.

Not anymore.

Apropos of absolutely nothing, Paramount has denied these theaters permission to screen the film.  To be clear, no new threats have been issued and the old threats have still not been upgraded by U.S. intelligence or law enforcement officials to the status of "even remotely fucking possible."  This is simply a matter of Paramount being complete and utter chumps.

Sony at least had an excuse.  The theater chains blinked first and left the studio holding the bag, so you can't really blame them for folding.  Well, I can and do blame them but at least I understand where they're coming from.  After getting their teeth kicked in by the press for the last month, they simply we're geared up for this fight.  Paramount has no excuse at all.  They had dozens of theaters ready and willing to show Team America, which would have been great press for the studio and brought the under-appreciated satire back into culture relevance.  Instead the studio decided to boldly capitulate to...I don't even know what.  Fear, I guess.

This is inexcusably pathetic.  If you're in search of something to watch featuring North Korean villains, I've seen people online suggest the Red Dawn remake.  Unfortunately that movie isn't really all that good.  Instead I'd recommend Olympus Has Fallen, (also streaming on Netflix) which is way more entertaining and has 100% more head stabs.

And if you're headed to the movies this Christmas and want to send a message to Paramount that this is complete and utter bullshit, consider passing on Paramount's release of The Gambler.  Having seen it last night, I can assure you there are better ways to spend your money.