May 15, 2014

Not Even Robot Dinosaurs Can Save The Latest Trailer For TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION


I keep forgetting that there's a Transformers movie assaulting theaters this summer and every time I remember, I get very sad inside.  There was a decent chance that, after three increasingly unwatchable cinematic disasters and star Shia LaBeouf's slow descent into madness, Michael Bay's most financially successful and intellectually bankrupt franchise would finally go the way of the dinosaurs.  Instead it just added metallic dinosaurs.  And Mark Wahlberg.


Frankly, I'm all out of righteous anger when it comes to this franchise.  I can no longer carry the banner of Michael Bay spoiling my childhood memories, although his upcoming Ninja Turtles movie might test those limits.  I think it mostly has to do with the simple existence of Pacific Rim, which is likely to be the best live-action giant robot movie* for a generation.  Bay can make all the sub-par Transformers films he wants.  I'll take Gipsy Danger over his Optimus Prime any day.

I'd complain that these movies make far too much money in comparison to their piss-poor quality, but I guess I have no right to do so.  After all, I've paid good money to see all three of these films in the theater and I'll almost certainly do the same for Age Of Extinction.  I know it's going to be terrible in advance, but I guess I feel like I need to see it in order to take part in the larger conversation about summer movies and the industry in general.  Also, I am a huge sucker.

If Bay really wants to get me excited about a Transformers movie, bring back Unicron.  Then we'll talk.



*I know, I know, the Jaegers are technically mechs, not robots.  But they're still the best "giant mechanical men" I've ever seen realized on film.