September 30, 2014

Hollywood Is Out Of Ideas: TETRIS Movie Will Soon Drop


Seriously?

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that producer Larry Kasanoff and Threshold Entertainment, whose most impressive credit to date is 1995's Mortal Kombat, have made a deal to bring Tetris to the big screen.  That's right.  Tetris.

How did we get here?

Kasanoff would like you to believe that, much like The Lego Movie, Tetris could somehow serve as a rich canvas for crafting a major blockbuster.  "It's a very big, epic sci-fi movie," says Kasanoff.  "What you [will] see in Tetris is the teeny tip of an iceburg that has intergalactic significance."  That sounds more than a little bit grandiose, particularly coming from the director of Foodfight!

Short of some kind of Last Starfighter-esque tale in which a champion Tetris player is recruited by aliens to use his mastery of block-based puzzles to save the universe, I simply don't see how you build a compelling story around the classic video game in any meaningful way.  This feels like nothing more than yet another cash-in on brand recognition, and when the brand in question is a 25 year old video game, you have to wonder who really gives a shit.

According to Kasanoff, "This isn't a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page.  We're not giving feet to the geometric shapes."

Too bad.  That's the best idea I've heard yet.