October 16, 2013

Live-Tweeting JACK FROST: A Killer Snowman Minus The Snow

"Well it ain't fucking Frosty!"
The first thing you should when making a movie about a psychotic killer snowman is spend some time building a a convincing snowman effect, be it practical or otherwise.

Look at that picture.  That's pretty shitty.  I'm pretty sure I could find a more convincing costume at my local Walmart.  It's soft, it's squishy, it creases at the joints, and its face has pretty much one expression.  You can tell that filmmakers have absolutely no confidence in their creation because they spend great pains for the first half of the film to keep the snowman largely out of frame.  This leads to a lot of shots in which people are attacked by large white oven mitts.  In no way could this snowman be mistaken for actual snow.  Speaking of which...

The second thing you should do when making a movie about a psychotic killer snowman is buy a fucking snow machine.

Look, I get it.  You wanna cut costs so you decide to shoot locally in California, a place that's not exactly known for winter weather.  But you're in Big Bear, a place where people go to ski.  Even if the weather didn't cooperate, were you really so cheap that you couldn't rent a snow machine from a local ski lodge?  Because I'll tell you the fastest way to ruin your movie set at Christmas in a town called Snowmonton: you shoot all your scenes on a set that's devoid of snow.  Setting aside the fact that shaved coconut makes a terrible stand in for actual frozen water, do you have any idea how ridiculous it looks to have a snowman building contest when the only snow in the whole town takes up about 10 sq. feet?  About as ridiculous as it looks to have your cast sweating through their winter coats while complaining about how cold the weather is.

And let's not even discuss the script, which I'm pretty sure was transcribed from the insane rantings of a seven year old that's been mainlining Cocoa Puffs.

Shannon Elizabeth makes her film debut as a horny teen who gets killed in a bathtub scene that has to be witnessed to be believed.

Holy hell, what is this fucking movie?

Live-tweet incredulity follows:

Jack Frost personifies everything wrong with 90's direct-to-video filmmaking.  If it had been animated it would probably be brilliant.  Instead it's a trainwreck.

Thanks to reader Lucy for the recommendation!

Title: Jack Frost
Director: Michael Cooney
Starring: Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker, Rob LaBelle, Shannon Elizabeth
Year Of Release: 1997
Viewing Method: Netflix Instant

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